Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Joseon Invasion (3)

The angry lion’s roar of His Excellency Haok Kim Jwageun, the head of the Andong Kim clan that makes even mountains rivers grass and trees tremble!

[Immediately come to Hanyang leading the royal guard army accompanied by military provisions.]

[Issue all grain loans and come. One must stock sufficient military provisions in the capital.]

Kim Jwageun who read through Romance of the Three Kingdoms and Jingbirok and equipped Zhuge Liang’s stratagem and Ryu Seongryong’s will felt confidence welling up again.

“Westerners blocking the river is something predicted long ago. If all the people just endure a little inconvenience there will be no problem.”

“The capital prices are soaring day by day! No problem?”

“That’s all the doing of merchants’ tricks and traitors serving Westerners! The police immediately go out and beat to death the schemers who do hoarding!”

Kim Jwageun first tore the merchants’ limbs and confiscated their property. Meeting the biggest national crisis since the Japanese invasion and barbarian invasion yet daring to try to make money taking advantage of the national crisis?

The merchants’ ending was one of two.

Losing both property and life, or losing all property.

Kim Jwageun who secured military funds and provisions by raiding these wholesale warehouses and created an atmosphere of fear immediately stepped to the next step.

“The royal guard army of the eight provinces will come with a sufficient amount of grain. Moreover since I ordered to additionally transport food the prices will soon stabilize.”

One of Joseon’s prides grain loans.

This grain loan is fundamentally military provisions. However since rice loses its value if aged long like all rice one lends the aged rice to the people and fills new military provisions at harvest time.

Therefore ordering to collect grain loan rice and come up to the capital now that national crisis has come was not particularly wrong words.

In theory.

“An order came down from the country. British Westerners invaded and battle is happening on Ganghwa Island so one must quickly summon the army and go up.”

The governors and military commanders of each place summon the army.

Then the county magistrates, cheomsa etc. below them each mobilize the soldiers of their jurisdiction and go up.

But this ambitious plan began to show ominous signs spewing creaking sounds from all directions at the same time as the start.

First of all.

“Isn’t it that the country collected military cloth instead of going to the army?”

“British Westerners invaded now what does that matter! Immediately gather the village strong men and come! At least there must be guys carrying military provisions on A-frames so bring anyone!”

The frontline county magistrates who got <​if told to do it do it> of course took out the best measure they could do.

“Since one must extract fifty from our county the clerks including the military clerk discuss and select strong men.”

Dumping on clerks and local officials.

“And since one must send the grain loans in the warehouse to Hanyang-”

“Sir.”

“What?”

“That... that... in the warehouse...”

Of course there was no grain loan in the warehouse.

Because they all long-conned everything.

In a situation where the entire country called Joseon has become a huge lump of corruption would grain loans quietly be in the warehouse?

The magistrates urgently opened the warehouse, and the military provisions that should be full in the warehouse were all rotting or just fake items full of stones and sand.

“Why is there not a single grain loan that should be! You bastards! How much harsh exploitation did you do!”

“······.”

“······Kheum.”

The clerks long-conned.

And of course submitted part of that embezzlement amount to the magistrate. From the beginning the magistrate himself is a guy who gave bribes and bought the magistrate position so he has to recover the principal.

Joseon people did not know the law of universal gravitation but knew the law of universal tax well. Whether tax or military service or whatever all collection concentrates on the weakest guy law.

If a landlord with even a little power he used any means and methods and deleted his land from the country’s real estate registration and made it ‘nonexistent land’. In the end only powerless guys became tax collection targets, and they had to vomit taxes several times including the share of strong guys.

This is precisely that famous <​disorder of the three administrations>.

“Jinsa elder. Since a big thing happened in the country you must send up a few slaves to Hanyang.”

“Asking to take out slaves at this harvest time? Are you in your right mind?”

“And really sorry but since they say military provisions are needed can’t you contribute a little? I opened the warehouse and it’s empty. Like this everyone will die!”

“Huu. Only this time. Really only this time.”

“Thank you! Thank you!!”

The place where the village influential person swallowed blood tears and took the lead was the place that met the most harmonious and happy ending.

Even among magistrates the best thick-heads bravely charged toward the bad ending.

“Dolswe-ya. You have to go to Hanyang.”

“Aigo, sir! Harvest is right in front now and telling me to go to Hanyang? What words are those?!”

“Doesn’t the country call you! Do you really have to get hit and then go obediently!”

“If I go those fields will all rot so can’t you give even a little grace period?”

“Don’t worry. The things in that field must all be offered to the country as military provisions. From right now start preparing for harvest.”

“Yes? Yes??”

Merciless exploitation.

Magistrates and clerks who were about to get fucked themselves from right now became one mind and one body and committed exploitation solidly.

But stirring farmers at harvest time was no different from sticking one’s head into a hornet’s nest.

“Waaaaa!!”

“Kill the corrupt officials!”

“Let’s tear the limbs of clerk bastards!!”

“Whether dying like this or dying like that!!”

Farmers who practically heard the sound ‘go and die or become slaves’ finally held the sickle backwards and resolved to stab and kill the magistrate and clerks instead of the British army.

Not all of Joseon’s eight provinces burned in the flames of this rebellion.

“Magistrate sir.”

“It’s state affairs what do you want me to do? Will you handle the aftermath?”

“If you give the order I will follow, but from what I see if you really do it sir you won’t be able to leave the county alive.”

“······.”

“You must quickly make it as if it never happened even now. We also don’t want to die.”

“You, you, are you threatening the officials?”

“Right tonight the lower ones might gather holding torches.”

Originally skimming and long-conning also need sense to do for a long long time.

Smart magistrates forgot in their heads as soon as they received Kim Jwageun’s order.

And diligently ground ink and wrote a report <​I sent them but I don’t know where they all went? Did a tiger bite them?>. Insisting that one sent seemed to have a much higher survival rate.

And slightly stupider magistrates than this yielded to the persuasion, pleading, threats of clerks and bent their will. Even stupider magistrates quickly changed their words seeing the village people coming holding sickles and plows with reddened eyes.

As a result.

“Why is no one coming!!”

“One has to go up to Hanyang quickly! You incompetent guys! Are you magistrates even like that!”

Whether military commanders or governors of each place, they could not even fill 10% of the goal.

Instead only news that rebellion broke out in such and such county and the magistrate’s neck was hung on a pole flew diligently.

Nevertheless the grain somehow gathered?

“Stop for a moment! Put all the grain loaded on the A-frame into this warehouse, and instead carry this and go!”

Someone skimmed again in the middle.

Or the A-frame carrier took it and disappeared.

People conscripted without knowing why carried sand instead of rice and headed to Hanyang.

Hanyang prices fully supplied with sand and rotten rice surpassed Nvidia stock prices and like challenging the throne of peak Dogecoin became Apollo 13 and vigorously soared toward space.

“Rebellion? Now? Now?! You traitor bastards! Traitor groups responding to Britain are full in various places across the country! Immediately annihilate all of them starting from those guys! Immediately!!”

Even if Kim Jwageun sliced a few more merchant necks he could not catch these prices.

***

The scenery of Weimar Joseon was truly brutal.

Since Han River water transport was controlled the huge consumption black hole Hanyang with a population of hundreds of thousands instantly became chaos, but as a result of beating all merchants to death and confiscating property now prices became uncontrollable.

“If one concluded that friendly trade treaty wouldn’t they not have invaded?”

“Public sentiment is turning away. Even now one must soothe the barbarians and form friendship and first stabilize public sentiment.”

“Are you saying His Majesty must offer three kneels and nine kowtows to British barbarians now? Are you Joseon scholars even like that! You traitor bastards!!”

Traitor talk now became Kim Jwageun’s number 18. Even if one plays Ring Ding Dong at the school entrance on the college entrance exam day it would be less addictive than Kim Jwageun’s traitor whatever talk.

“Pushing thousands of troops into that narrow Ganghwa Island, the enemies are definitely ignoramuses who don’t know proper military strategy. Soon patriots will rise on Ganghwa Island and cut their supply, and it is self-evident that British soldiers will be damaged and collapse from epidemic spreading before even fighting.”

There was no matter of Ganghwa Island people rising. Because they received brilliant silver coins.

There was no matter of British army dying in lines from epidemic spreading. Even though they held a rite calling the epidemic god to the favorite shaman the epidemic was completely quiet.

“Shouldn’t one escort the royal carriage to Bukhansan Fortress now?”

“What after that.”

“One has to move the capital to Gaeseong or Pyongyang.”

Even the elders of the family began to subtly chatter about the next move.

But Jwageun was dumbfounded.

“Come to your senses. The king’s will is weak and easy to be enchanted by the flattery of treacherous officials so he might change words like flipping the palm anytime.”

“Ahem!”

“What ahem! If traitor bastards like the Pungyang Jo clan just receive one edict from His Majesty like ‘surrender to Britain and the Kim clan step back’ we all die!”

“This person! What you need to come to your senses is you! If His Majesty wants friendship either follow it as the duty of a subject, or if that’s unfair drink arsenic, how can a subject think of suppressing the king!”

There are already only as much as a rat’s tail of soldier-like soldiers, and if one sends the king to Bukhansan Fortress one has to split that army again.

Moreover the king had to be directly controlled by Kim Jwageun. The moment he loses this control even briefly he might become a ghost without a neck.

“Why do we fight? Precisely fighting for orthodox learning and propriety, right!”

“···!”

“Even if they have a few trivial objects, the spirit and resolve of Joseon scholars cannot be broken by a few such objects! This resolve of offering lives like grass for orthodox learning is precisely our strongest weapon!! Even if the king if one tries to abandon orthodox learning and yield to heresy and Westerners this is the same as a commoner!!”

“Crazy... guy!”

“Am I wrong! How can one who abandoned the Way not be a commoner!!”

Kim Jwageun who blurted out if one acts up whether king or whatever die resolved to go even more recklessly.

“Send a secret envoy to the British barbarians. If they acknowledge my legitimate authority over Joseon I will surrender.”

“Yes? Your Excellency, what did you just say?!”

“Didn’t you hear? Let’s seduce the bastards saying we are much more helpful than that rookie king. Call out that immoral bastard Lee Aseul to Hanyang, and unfold the ten-sided ambush plan.”

The Han River is a truly fucked place so Britain’s those huge ships will nine out of ten run aground while going upstream the Han River.

Then taking advantage of that gap hide cannons on the riverbank and simultaneous attack, or mobilize fire ships and burn them.

The plan the future Joseon that faced the General Sherman used popped out from Kim Zhuge Liang’s head now.

“Then won’t British people get greatly angry?”

“Capture Lee Aseul as hostage and negotiate again. After seeing our determination and ability those guys’ thoughts will also change. This much is enough.”

A bizarre idea of negotiating with a knife to the neck.

Anyway if Kim Jwageun just acquires the title of <​supreme commander who blocked the external invasion> the Andong Kim clan does not easily collapse. After the war ends killing all those who shouted friendship and making the Kim clan’s world is not just a dream.

Finally the secret envoy headed to Ganghwa Island, and succeeded in conveying the intention of renegotiation to Lee Aseul and the British army generals.

But the matter of the fleet going upstream the Han River did not happen.

“Your Excellency!! Your Excellency!!”

“What matter again.”

“British barbarians are advancing to Hanyang!”

Regrettably Kim Jwageun’s sparring partner was the world’s strongest demon legion skilled in deceiving and taking, the British Empire army.

The British army newly landed on the north bank of the Han River slowly advanced along the riverside sand beach, and the British navy also finished preparations to go upstream the Han River anytime while watching the army’s movements.

Moreover.

“The bastards are mobilizing cavalry and scattering hideous proclamations in various places... they are chattering that Your Excellency sent a secret letter saying if they confer the title of <​Duke of Joseon> you will offer the country to Britain.”

“You lewd and lawless bastards! Immediately cut the necks of those who received that proclamation!”

The British army is coming.

Thousands of barbarians are coming to Hanyang dragging guns and cannons.

Kim Jwageun’s mind became distant.

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Author's note

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